This Story Will Be The Death Of Me
by KlaineLovelies
Summary: My outlet for silly little drabbles that don't make any sense. Mostly Klaine, you may come across a few other characters every once in a while. These don't make any sense.
1. Dead Squirrel

Blaine yawned, trekking down the hallway. He opened the front door, stepping out into the cold winter wind. The leaves, soggy from last night's rain, swam in the freezing puddles of water that streamed in between Blaine's bare feet. He did a little hopping dance to avoid the icy drops. At the end of his driveway he turned and walked up to the mailbox, rubbing his hands together to warm them up before opening it.

Blaine was immediately hit by an overwhelming stench. He gazed inside and saw a furry lump underneath an envelope. He picked up the mail, finding a dead squirrel beneath it. Blaine gagged, turning to the sky and shaking his fists.

"Noooooooo! Gerrrrttttrruuuuuuddddeeee!" He screamed.

**Warning- If this is the first you've read of me, please understand that no- this is NOT how I normally write. Check out some of my other stories for a taste of the real me.**

**How did this get started? Well, every day before I write, I spend 5 minutes and write a weird drabble thing just to get my creative juices flowing. They don't have a plot, they don't make any sense, I don't worry about making the characters realistic, I just focus on writing a completely strange drabble. I do, however, focus on grammar and spelling. I'm not one of those people who are all**

** 'nd den blane went to the store nd krt wz thre nd sed "m brekking p wit u, u asshle" nd den krt cryd nd grbbed a nife nd stbbd hmslf da nxt day blane loked hz fone he hd a txt mssge from kirt "m srry ill alwys lve u"'**

** UGH! Those stories get on my nerves. Anyways, feel free to leave me a prompt! #**


	2. Flushing

"Are you sure you're ready?" Blaine asked, squeezing Kurt's hand. Kurt nodded, closing his eyes.

"I've been waiting for this moment for a while now." Blaine nodded, and looked down at the toilet. He flexed his pinky finger, preparing himself for what was about to happen. His hand moved hesitantly toward the handle, and he paused every few moments to take a deep, shaky breath. Kurt bit his lip in anticipation, watching Blaine. He buried his face into Blaine's shoulder.

"I love you, no matter what happens." Blaine nodded.

"I love you too." Kurt held his hands over his eyes.

"Just… get it over with." Blaine's hand rested on the handle, and Kurt uncovered his eyes to watch Blaine press down. The two watched as streams of water swirled around the toilet bowl, ending with a final gargle emitting from the pipes as it slowly filled back up. Blaine looked over at Kurt.

"Your turn." He said, motioning towards the handle. Kurt nodded and quickly moved his hand, flushing the toilet. They stared once again as the water drained and then filled back up again. Blaine laughed, smiling and pulling Kurt in for a hug. "You did it!" he shouted. "You saved the world, Kurt!" Kurt nodded as the tears spilled over his cheeks.

"No, Blaine. We did it. _We _saved the world." The two boys held each other in their arms and sobbed until a woman walked into the room.

"Barbra Streissand?" Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow. The woman nodded.

"Are you two done in here? Because I have to pee."

** Feel free to leave a prompt! #**


	3. Snot

Kurt huffed, wrinkling up his face. His eyes squeezed together as he prepared for the incoming attack. His head bobbed back and forth as he tried to expel the pollen spores from his nasal cavities. It came in a blinding flash, sending the bacteria across the room in little droplets of snot and spit. He gasped, and grabbed a tissue, bringing it to his nostrils.

He forced the air from his lungs up through his nose, expelling the gunk that was previously lodged. He tossed it aside, grabbing another tissue and repeating the process. In less than two minutes, the pile grew to contain at least forty crumpled, snot infested tissues.

Blaine walked in with a fresh box of Kleenex, setting it on the nightstand. Kurt sneezed again,

and then spoke up.

"There is like a never ending flow of snot coming out of my nose and I don't know what to do with it." Blaine shrugged.

"Hope you get better, Kurt."

**Feel free to leave a prompt! #**


	4. Sarah Barbra Patti Hudson

Rachel smiled, hoisting the one year old little girl up into her high chair and safely buckling her in. She turned around, grabbing the small bowl of mashed potatoes and a colorful green spoon.

"Who's ready for some mashed potatooesssssssss?" She asked, waving the bowl around in the air. She sat down at the kitchen table, pulling her daughter's high chair closer to be able to feed her better. "Okay, Sarah Barbra Patti Idina Kristen Judy Hudsonnn!" she said in her best baby voice. "Open wide so Mommy can give you your mashed potatoooessssss." The baby, clearly not amused, cleared her throat.

"You know what this conversation needs? A dead rat carcass." Rachel screamed, jumping back at her baby's violent first words. The mashed potatoes flew across the kitchen, splattering all over the floor. Finn rushed in.

"What's wr- Whoa!" he slipped on a chunk of milky potato, hitting his head on the counter on the way down. His skull broke open and his brains seeped out of his head. Rachel screeched, rushing over and sobbing uncontrollably. Sarah shook her head and sighed.

"He's just a fragile little butterfly. A butterfly that needs to be killed." Rachel kept sobbing, and screaming things like 'Why!' Sarah threw her tiny little hands up in the air. "Mom, I mean how are you not getting this? I feel like you're purposely Team Finchel just so you can see me squirm and flail uncontrollably!" Rachel cried some more. "Hey Mom?" Sarah said. "I have to go to the restroom." Rachel paid no attention to her daughter. "Okay, Okay, I'll just pee on the floor I get it."

**Okee-Dokee. Another successful ridiculously-ridiculous story has been written. By the way, everything that 'Sarah' said in this fiction was actually said by my real life friend Sarah at some point in time. And yes, she's perfectly sane.**

**Feel free to leave a prompt! #**


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